Do you know that feeling of doing or saying things you actually not agree upon? I had that quite often. Not only when it came to studying or working but I noticed that it also occured in my social life. People would try to connect with you and unpurposely they crossed your ‘imaginary’ boundaries you set up for yourself.
One of the reasons I got stressed is because of these ‘intruders’ within my boundaries. I wanted to block them but that didn’t always work. In the past, I was a very bad boundary blocker. Everyone just smashed my boundaries and I was left behind with a feeling of not being understood. Is this the fault of others? No! People often do not try to cross your boundaries on purpose, it just happens.
In the period that I had a lot of seizures I did not notice these ‘intruders’ that much, but time passed and therapy helped me to recognise these situations better. I learned how to deal with them and the solution turned out to be quite simple. The word ‘no’ has a lot to do with it. If a situation occurs where you don’t feel comfortable with or you are just unhappy about certain things, it is very important to ventilate these feelings. As simple as this may sound, for me it was and it still is sometimes incredibly hard. It just wasn’t in my nature to immediately respond to it, with the consequence that I would just go along with something I actually did not intended to do. The other person would think that everything was fine, because after all I did not ventilate any worries or issues.
Therefore, I see this as my personal problem. I get myself into trouble because I don’t open my mouth when everything inside me screams I should. Once I realized and recognised this as a personal problem I tried to improve. I have to admit that in the past year I became a lot better in dealing with these situations. Especially because ‘defending your own boundaries’ does not have to happen in a rude way. But of course not saying anything was in my system for the past 20 years and when I have stressful periods it is very normal for me to fall back into old habbits. This is not necessarily a bad thing because as long as I recognise that I fall back into an old pattern, it will improve again as the stressful situations will eventually pass. Trying to deal with situations like these as best as possible reduced stressed and frustrating feelings a lot for me. And relaxed Nadine often results in happy and above all seizure free Nadine 🙂
Have a lovely weekend.