Decisions, Decisions

Sometimes certain things you’re doing life don’t work for you any more. Althought they have worked for you in the passed years. I experienced something like that very recently. You know that you don’t want to continue doing it but the decision you have to make is the hardest.

Do you know that feeling that you actually just want to stop doing it but you are afraid that you will regret it? I know it very well. Quiting something is not in my nature, but sometimes it’s better for yourself. Talking with people about it helps me a lot but also can even confuse me more. Usually it takes 2 or 3 weeks for me in doubt, sleepless nights and very emotional breakouts before I finally decide. This can cost so much energy. People always tell me not to worry about it. But everyone knows that is easier said than done. The battle inside your head before you can make the decision is often forgotten. Thoughts run through your mind that you might regret the decision, or you are weak for quitting something. In the end however, you need to find out what works for YOU. Not for everyone else. Especially in relationship with my PNES these decisions in my life are very important. A positive thing about that is that my seizures are some kind of ‘warning system’. If I see an increase in having attacks in doing this activity it’s obvious to me that this is not good for my health. However, it can also bring me down a bit since it adds up on my: ‘I can’t do that because of my PNES’ list. In the end I have to accept that I have these attacks and try to live as easy as possible with it. The accepting part was a long process and these decisions still are. But I believe if you can decide what is best for you it will affect your health in a positive way. Sometimes you just need to dare to dive in head first.

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