After I graduated high school in 2012 I was exhausted. It had been a tough two years since I got my first attacks during junior year. Somehow I managed to make it to senior year but than the real battle began. I wanted to graduate just like all my friends would do. I had to catch up with a lot of school work I had missed, but despite the ongoing attacks I was ready to make my finals. So I did, in a separate room with a wheelchair next to me, ready to drag me off in case of an attack. I had made all my exams without an attack and I graduated. I was so happy and thought that the worst period was over..
Unfortunately that period still was about to come. Because I was so tired of fighting my way through the past years I could not go to university the next year. It took me a long time to accept that. All my friends would go and study in other cities, living on their own and having the time of their lives. I felt I was stuck in my hometown and needed some structure in my days. Fortunately I still had my job at the supermarket and they were willing to let me work there 4 times a week for 5 hours. In the beginning I had an attack every single day there. Every single day I fell on the floor and shaked for minutes. It was a period that my attacks lasted quite long and sometimes it was a very scary situation to deal with for my collegues. But after a while it went better, and I even had days without an attack. Those days were awesome, they gave me energy to not give up. The people whom I worked with at the supermarket were extremely understanding and encouraged me to take my rest when I needed to and were happy for me when I had an attack-free day. I can not thank them enough for the support they gave me. Eventually it gave me the strength to go on and look where I am right now! Living on my own, studying at the University and still working at the supermarket, but now in my new city. Of course, I was also seeing my therapist a lot during that year since I had all the time to do so and needed the rest because therapy was very intense. At first, I was very dissappointed about this gap year but when I look back now, I am super gratefull that I have done it that way. Imagine that I would have started to study, that would have gone completely wrong because I was so exhausted.
That gap year was the best decision for me at that time. It brought me where I am today, and it made me realize that I am very lucky with my job at the supermarket, despite that I only work there for a couple of hours per week.